Nectar of the gods or, Avocado Salsa

This recipe is awesome. AWESOME. I put the salsa over tilapia but it would also be great on hamburgers, with chicken, or as a side.

2 avocados, peeled, pitted, and chopped

1 large tomato, chopped

1/3 cup chopped onions

3 tbsp rice vinegar

2 tbsp lime juice

2 large-ish cloves of garlic, minced

1/2 tsp crushed red pepper

Mix it all up. Cover it all up. Chill for 1 - 2 hours. Re-mix. And prepare to be blown away.

Who are you calling a dip?

By popular demand (well, Joslyne's demand, anyway), here is the recipe for a lime fruit dip. I made it for Charlotte's second birthday party yesterday and there was always some partygoer parked by it for the duration of the event. I am currently eating the left over dip (a very tiny amount, unfortunately) and trying to think of an excuse to make some more. Too bad Zoey's birthday isn't until May.

The ingredients are simple, so there is no excuse to pass on trying this recipe because it's too complicated. Ask Erin sometime about the time she stashed a jar of marshmallow creme under the bathroom sink and created a family mystery -- one that lasted for two decades until she confessed -- as to how it got there.

LIME FRUIT DIP

1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
1 jar (7 ounces) marshmallow creme
1 carton (6 ounces) lime-flavored yogurt
1 drop green food coloring (optional)

• Beat the cream cheese until smooth. It really does turn out better if you soften the cream cheese first -- I didn't do this and there were little hunks of cream cheese swimming in the dip. It tasted just fine, but the texture wasn't optimal.
• Beat in the marshmallow creme and wonder how on earth this product was ever invented.
• Fold in yogurt and food coloring if desired. The food coloring may be optional, but it adds such a pretty hue to the dip that I deemed it necessary.
• Cover and refrigerate until serving. Serve with fruit (or a spoon or your finger, depending on how desperate you are).
• Yield: 2 1/2 cups*

I don't have a photo of the dip, but here's the birthday girl in her new cupcake hoodie:


*Funny and/or embarrassing story -- until very recently, I kind of thought the "yield" of a recipe meant you should slow down and stop once you have made this much. I guess I just never thought about it very hard. Yes, I'm an idiot.

Crack (aka Cucumber Salsa)

Every time I make this, people demand the recipe. DEMAND it. At our neighborhood's rib cook-off, I wrote it down and one of my neighbors raced inside to use his fax machine to duplicate it to satisfy demand.

Every time I make it, the result is slightly different. This is probably because the freshness and quality of the ingredients is paramount. If I actually knew what I was doing when selecting the vegetables then I might have some good tips. As such, it's kind of a crapshoot what I end up coming home with from the grocery store. As long as you get the seasonings right, the outcome will still be pretty darn good.

CUCUMBER SALSA

1 cucumber
1 pint cherry or grape tomatoes
1 green onion
handful of cilantro (just the leaves)
1 jalapeno (seeds and ribs removed, or you'll be sorry!)
1 tsp minced garlic
1 tsp lime juice (I usually add more though)
1/2 tsp salt (I like to use sea salt)
1/4 tsp ground pepper
1/8 tsp ground cumin
1 tbsp sour cream

1. Mince the cucumber and tomatoes (in small batches) in a food processor* until they are about the texture of chunky applesauce. As you empty the batches of minced veggies out of the food processor, dump them into a colander in the sink to let them drain while you prepare the rest of the salsa. Cucumbers and tomatoes are juicy little buggers.
2. Toss the green onion, cilantro leaves, and jalapeno** in the food processor and puree those puppies. If you're as big of a wimp as I am about spicy food, you won't want to run into an errant chunk of jalapeno by accident.
3. Dump the veggies, ground pepper, ground cumin, and sour cream into a bowl and mix them up. Taste it. Then add the lime and salt and taste it again while marveling at the incredible difference those beauties make to the salsa. If you're not wowed by the improvement in flavor, slowly add more lime and salt until the wow factor emerges.

*If you have a food processor, for the love of all things holy please use it. Otherwise you will be swearing at me when you begin the third straight hour of monotonous mincing of vegetables -- especially the darn tomatoes. This recipe would be good chopped a little rougher, but it's best when you get it more the texture of the salsa you get in restaurants. If you don't heed my warning or don't own a food processor, then please don't sue me when you cut your finger off or develop carpal tunnel. I used to be a lawyer, so don't think I won't fight back.
**I recommend slicing and removing the seeds/ribs while wearing rubber gloves, lest you later forget you might have jalapeno oil lingering on your hands and you wipe your nose. WOWZA. That was not pleasant. And yes I was done cooking when I wiped my nose.

Super Easy Guacamole

I didn't like guacamole at all before my first pregnancy, but ever since then, I can't stop eating it. Thank goodness avocados have been on sale this winter!

Lots of people put tomatoes, onions, or other such nonsense in their guac, but I like to keep really simple. Also, I like it a little bit spicy. Seeing as how I'm from New Mexico, I'm always looking for opportunities to increase the Hatch Green Chile quotient of my diet. Fortunately, canned green chile is now available in Whole Foods and other grocery stores, and you can actually get it fresh in the fall. We like to order the single serving packets from 505 Chile.

Anyway, here's the recipe for one hearty serving of guac, enough for two hungry adults and a baby who eats way more than you would expect.

2 avocados
1 lime
1 small can of green chile
salt

Cut open the avocados the long way, and remove the pit. (There is a good tutorial on Simply Recipes for how to do this - scroll down to 2B to see how to use a knife to get the pit out.)

Scoop out the insides of the avocado into a bowl. Mash it up with a fork.

Add the can of green chile, half a lime (or more, depending on your preference), and salt to taste.

Grab some chips and ENJOY!